Unfortunately, it took two weeks to complete, and honestly, it still isn’t where I want it to be, but it is in a place where I feel content. I can (and will) revise in the future. Additionally, I worry that if I stop publishing for too long, I will never return.
I believe the chapter rewrites add more depth and substance to the story. When I was writing them, I actually found myself doing more research and incorporating more symbolism and foreshadowing into the text rather than focusing on character development. Don’t get me wrong, I added more to the interactions with Harmony and Aaron, but I feel that the depth I added to the plot boosted it more than anything.
Which felt awesome for me. At the end of the day, I need to write for myself more than anybody else, right? Anyway, without further ado:
As proud of myself as I am for the work I’ve done on my serial fiction project, I recently noticed a grave error. At first, I couldn’t pinpoint why the story seemed so rushed. I knew part of it was excitement, coupled with the pressure to get chapters out each week, but what exactly was wrong? Character Development
This was especially problematic because the new chapter I’m planning will have a poll on which love interest (Aaron or Harmony) the main character (Erin) should reach out to. But when I truly thought about it, I realized I hadn’t developed her relationship with either of them much and had, in fact, created one of a writer’s biggest faux pas: cardboard characters.
For those not versed in writing lingo, cardboard characters are those that are clichés and/or lack any sort of depth. Currently, the characters in Fallen Chaos may have distinct personalities, but that’s as far as they’ve been developed.
Now, there is a plot-related reason for this. It was intentional at first, until I realized I didn’t care about these characters or what happened to them. This was especially bizarre for me, since my writing is generally character-driven rather than plot-driven. This is what I use my psychology degree for (lol). And usually, I have trouble with the plot. This is a new issue for me because I know exactly where the plot is going, but I have underdeveloped characters.
All this is to say that rather than churning out another chapter with a poll people won’t care about, I’m going to go back and add to the chapters to include character development. To truly flesh out my characters and give readers (and myself) a reason to care about what happens. I know I’m not exactly encouraging people to read my work at the moment, and that’s okay. I’m being raw, honest, and saying stay tuned as my work gets even better!
This was a difficult (and possibly detrimental) decision to make; however, I realized the story couldn’t continue in its current state. I am proud of myself for taking a step back to analyze my writing and identify potential issues, and I am even more proud to take the steps to resolve them. Not to mention, I should write for myself rather than simply to increase views/gain readership. While that would be insanely awesome, it should not be my main goal.
I’m very excited about this plot and where it’s headed. I got ahead of myself, and I can’t wait to grow these characters further. I think the future for this piece is blindingly bright. This has been an excellent exercise to grow my writing style and skills. It has also been proof to myself that I can consistently write. My future is bright as well. I hope by sharing this brief part of my journey, I can encourage other blossoming writers to keep writing (and revising).
This is also a long-winded explanation of why there will not be a new chapter posted this week. Thank you, as always, for your support.
I have published the second chapter of Fallen Chaos! I’m really hoping to push myself to release a new chapter every Sunday. In order to keep my momentum, it would really help if, dear reader, you could view it on Royal Road (here) or Wattpad (here).
At some point, I may simply create a page and post the chapters here, but I need to gain a bit of traction on other websites first. So, for now I’ll make a blog post when I publish new chapters.
I’ve started a serialized fiction project. What is serialized fiction? It’s a form of fiction with chapters (or episodes) released separately (usually weekly) and published on websites for readers who’d prefer to consume their content in bite-sized pieces with plenty of cliffhangers.
I’ve always wanted to write serialized fiction, as I struggle with long-form writing (a novel), and yet I can write episodically. This is how Charles Dickens created Great Expectations. It’s similar to how I don’t ever want to watch movies, but will binge-watch a show for hours. Honestly, this is mainly because I’m not great at plotting out a story; I’d rather just start writing and discover it along the way, alongside my characters.
And somehow I didn’t realize I could just… do this? Somehow, I held space in my mind for websites for this sort of thing, and that I wanted to, but I didn’t connect the two thoughts. Anyway, this is to say, I connected the dots, found the websites, and started a serialized fiction project.
I chose to write a story about the Goddess of Chaos falling to Earth and forgetting her past. A type of storyline very much done before, but the thing about these websites is that readership will eat up tropes. It’s comfort food in literary form.
To be a bit raw for a second, I chose the Goddess of Chaos as a protagonist to work through my own chaotic emotions. I’m pretty open about having bipolar disorder because I’m lucky to live in a time when mental health is more openly discussed. I’m in treatment, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t occasionally resurface. This storyline is helping me work through some of the feelings I’ve been experiencing lately. I won’t delve into that aspect, as it’s a bit too personal, but I still wanted to mention my motivations for choosing this story arc.
I’ve published the first “episode,” and it can be found on Royal Road (here) and Wattpad (here). I’d really, really appreciate it if you could take a look and support it to help me gain traction. Honestly, if it isn’t your thing, you don’t have to read it, just view it and rate it (I promise not to quiz you). Thank you, as always, for your support, and I’m very excited for this next chapter of my writing journey.
Do you ever have an interaction that brightens your day for no reason? It’s so silly and trivial, and people look at you funny when you tell the story with such unbridled enthusiasm. And yet, maybe your telling of this insignificant event turns into their story in a kind of odd pay-it-forward situation.
Well, I’d like to share this story with you while you stare at me in confusion.
Today, I was walking around the block at work as I tend to do at least three times a day. As I approached a side street with a stoplight intersection, a box truck with two guys starting to turn right screeched to a halt to allow me to use my God-given right as a pedestrian.
But, unfortunately, I was still f a r a w a y from the crosswalk. The sensation was similar to when someone holds the door open for you and you half run to repay their kindness (or whatever causes us to do that).
I quickened my steps, but when I looked up at the crosswalk signal, it revealed a red hand. So, I also screeched to a halt. I looked at their light, and it was green. They’re still waving at me to go, and honestly, it isn’t a busy side street; there were no cars. I probably could have just crossed, but my legs wouldn’t move because that’s illegal (for the record, I’m saying this with sarcasm, I’m just a rule follower).
I finally weakly pointed at the light and said ever so softly, “It’s green?” They couldn’t have heard me, but must have seen me point and look. The two men, in perfect unison, turned to look at the light, turned back to me, and started laughing. We both waved to each other, having a good laugh, as they drove off, and I waited for my “It is legal to cross the road now” little guy to light up.
How I picture me and those guys staring at each other.
This is so silly, right? But sometimes I just need a reminder that we’re all fallible and we’re also all forgiving of minor mishaps. I know I’m extrapolating grand ideas from an insignificant encounter, but sometimes it’s just fun to assign meaning to trivial events.
So, here I am, sharing this minuscule interaction from my day that probably means nothing to you, dear reader, but I wanted to share it nonetheless. That human urge to share and connect with others bubbled out of me onto the keyboard.
As a writer, I love listening to the stories of others, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. I adore watching people light up as they discuss something that means a lot to them and excites them. It could be an interaction, a movie, or a hobby; I love hearing about it. Even if I generally have no interest in the thing they’re talking about, I find immense interest for their passion at the exact moment they’re telling me.
This world is far too harsh, especially at this time in the United States. We need to take joy in what we can and support those around us. I choose to show kindness whenever I can. You never know when a person just needs a smile or a compliment to get through their day. Or perhaps just a moment of silly camaraderie.
I wouldn’t suggest getting into a standoff with a box truck at a crosswalk, but find joy in the little slices of life that may seem mundane to others, but brought a smile to you nonetheless.
For the first time in a very, very long time, I have added a story to the portfolio page. I started this story in 2021 and finally finished it. This is also the first story I’ve completed since around 2018. I’m still struggling with long-form writing for my novel, so taking a break and working on an overdue side project was nice. I am strangely proud of this story, which feels wrong. Mostly because I am allergic to feeling pride, but also because, for once, I wasn’t focusing on being perfect and literary; instead, I embraced my sense of humor. I hope you all enjoy this silly story as much as I do.
Last year, I learned my worth. This year, I’m in people pleasing recovery (a concept adopted from Charlotte Dobre).
Let me start by saying I am an extremely passionate person who cares about everyone and everything far too much. Even people I’ve quarreled with irreparably will always hold a place in my heart. Therefore, I don’t want to stop pleasing people altogether. I just want to focus my energies on those who would do the same for me. I enjoy making others happy and being as helpful as I can. The people who belittle me and don’t care about my happiness are the people for whom I’m no longer making myself smaller.
Last year, I started a new job. My old job was full of people weighing me down. Specifically, there was a bully who constantly made me feel bad about myself to keep me down and make her look better; of course, it took me almost a year to realize that’s what was going on. Unfortunately, she also controlled most of the office, so no one truly appreciated how much work I’d done in my department and how much I’d improved client relations.
Near the end of my time at my previous company, I started acknowledging my worth and feeling proud of my accomplishments. I knew all my hard and dedicated work, even if no one else in the office did. I also stopped putting so much effort into pleasing people I didn’t even like.
My office bully was livid when she found out I landed a new and far better job with a client we worked with immediately after putting in my two weeks (what did I say about my stellar client relations?). I just found out that not only was she not allowed to return to my old company after begging, but she also was unwelcome at any of the vendors she used to work with. I’m assuming she thought that if I could do it, she could easily.
Anyway, I bring this up because I am grateful to her. She pushed me out of a terrible company and into a much better one. She also showed me that actions do have consequences, even if they take a while to become apparent. My actions were full of hard work and kindness, and hers were of vindictive manipulation. Where are we now?
I have always held myself to a higher standard than others. I make constant excuses for the mistakes of others and will berate myself for hours on a tiny mistake I make. This made me gullible. People would lie or use apologies to manipulate me. This year, I’m putting an end to it.
At the end of the day, the only person whose actions I can control is myself. I’ve been working a lot on being less reactive. If someone wants to be rude and unkind, there is no reason I need to match their energy. I can’t control how people act or what they think of me, but I can be confident and content in my own actions and intentions.
I was watching one of Smosh’s Reddit Stories YouTube videos, and they made an observation that left me with an Eureka feeling and an urge to explore it more. They were talking about negative comments on content and how it can be hard to ignore at times and can really get you down, especially if the commenter is saying things you already think about yourself. Now, this is obvious, I get that, and maybe the next part is obvious to you too, but it was eye-opening for me: When you read comments on the internet, you’re reading you hear their words in your voice. So basically if you already have negative self-talk and then you hear this mean comment in your own voice, it amplifies any insecurities you have. But hey, at least negative self-talk can actually lead to increased internal motivation.
“Stop letting people who do so little for you control so much of your mind, feelings, and emotions.” – Will Smith
However, to the main topic of this post, what brings people to be cruel under the guise of anonymity? This is a question I regularly ponder because it is such a prevalent issue in social media use.
This is where my interest in social psychology comes into play. Internet trolls have been linked to sadism and psychopathy. Now, as I mentioned in my rejection post, humans have evolved to avoid social rejection. By hiding behind online anonymity, a person can behave malevolently without any social repercussions. Therefore, we’re coming full circle from avoiding social rejection yet having an outlet for toxic motivations.
Ultimately, the phrase “Don’t feed the trolls” is everything. Now people will go so far as to post “ragebait” in order to start angry discussions and feed their attention-seeking needs. I’ve realized by now, that for my own sanity, to just ignore and move on.
And yet online anonymity can have positive effects as well, by encouraging and fostering moral courage. The bravery anonymity offers the cruel, is also offered to the kind. I remember the online community that soared during the pandemic and Black Lives Matter movement after George Floyd. Everyone was given a voice, a community, a safe place to encourage and embolden their support for others. I find that absolutely beautiful.
Moment of honesty: I used to make mean comments online. Not “unprovoked,” but if I saw a comment or post that was irritating and wrong, I couldn’t help myself. Now, I just scroll past: kindness costs nothing. If someone posts a mean comment on my post, I simply delete it and move on. I feel like my online mental health has improved drastically. I enjoy being kind.
The internet is a wonderful place to learn and grow. There is a plethora of information on everything. It is unfortunate people find the need to use it to let out their cruelty and spread false information. However, sometimes, while I’m fact-checking something, I fall into a fascinating rabbit hole. Ultimately, I’m grateful to the people using the internet for evil. They’ve taught me self-restraint and I’ve learned things I may have never learned if I hadn’t encountered their “fake news” post.
To conclude all my ramblings, my self-talk is what I make it. As obvious as that is, I must remember it when reading mean comments. Someone that has gone out of their way to type out an insult has their own insecurities and at least I made such an impression that they took time out of their day to write about me. 😀
Recently, I’ve been thinking. Many, many thoughts constantly bounce around my mind, complicating themselves until I’m not sure where their beginnings and endings are. It’s just that mess that looks like Tangela (pictured below), commonly depicted in thought bubbles in cartoons and comics.
Apparently, there are three main origins to overthinking: (1) Interpersonal Dynamics (2) Sense of Self Issues (3) Weird Worries
(1) For me, interpersonal dynamics is the source of my overthinking 99% of the time due to my social anxiety, so the other two are like backseat drivers to the first.
(2) Recently, my “sense of self” has been upended (in a good way) between getting a new job, building healthy habits, and finding this blog again. I used to struggle to write posts, and I’m sure those days will come again, but I realized I enjoy writing academically. I enjoy researching and learning. I enjoy discussing what I’m learning. So, instead of continuing to write papers for Chinese college students (yes, unfortunately, this is something I used to do for work), I would rather spend my talents here.
(3) As for weird worries, just ask my friends the kind of What If questions I ask them on a daily basis (I’m sorry y’all).
While the title of this post is mostly a joke, I know how overthinking makes me feel, but I did not realize the overwhelming research correlating rumination with negative emotions. In one study, researchers found that stressful events early on in life can lead to rumination, which can actually, longitudinally, lead to depressive and anxious psychopathy. Basically, researchers found that rumination is a strong link between stressful events early in life and depressive/anxious disorders later in life. In fact, rumination can impact subjective sleep quality, which can also lead to negative moods.
So all I’m saying is: it really is all in my head!
A crazy solution to overthinking is intentional daydreaming. Rather than obsessively overanalyzing adverse events, the idea is to focus on positive ideas and thoughts instead. The best way to focus on pleasurable thoughts is to pick a positive topic as a thinking aid. It sounds silly, but it has results. As a writer, this is the perfect solution for me. Instead of focusing on my real-world worries, I’ll force them on my characters.
I did the IMPOSSIBLE: I wrote again today. Now, now, settle down, or the neighbors will complain about your enthusiastic cheering.
I spent some time working on my novel. I wrote 1,326 words, which may not seem like a lot. However, I started writing in September 2023, and before my 1,326 words, I only had 6,031. So, I’m calling it a win. And guess what? I might write even more if I feel like it!
It’s funny how certain events can steer you in a different direction than expected. I’ve actually been extremely productive today. I deep-cleaned my kitchen (spent about 2.5 hours), cleaned the bathroom, decluttered my living room, killed approximately 20 wasps that felt the need to invade my bedroom, did some grocery shopping, worked on my cross-stitch, etc. (Wow, typing all of that out was really satisfying.)
After finding five wasps in my bedroom this morning, I’ve been riding this panic on a wave of productivity. Silver lining and all.
I just felt the need to brag a little. This week has had a lot of ups and downs, and I just needed a small victory.
I hope all my dozens of readers are having a great weekend, too. 🙂
Crazy Cat Lady Writes 